Sports and Nervousness.

Profanity is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps you from striking a friend, loved one, or fragile piece of furniture. Other times it gets you into trouble with your mom. But for the most part profanity helps us put into words the virtually indescribable feeling that we get when we're watching our favorite team do anything close to losing.

Ask any Yankees or Steelers fans and they'll tell you that the end 2004 season can only be described in four letter epithets. It's the only thing they can do. But also ask Red Sox and Patriots fans to describe the same season and they'll probably use similar profanity but in a more positively-spirited manner.

The facts of the matter are these; people LOVE sports and people LOVE to win. But when people watch their sports teams lose they feel powerless to explain it. The joy of winning is universal but the pain of losing is a hand grenade. When you lose you look for a reason, an excuse, or an explanation. When you win you don't care how or why, you're just excited to have that W in your column. So, what do you do when you THINK you're going to lose, when you haven't even lost yet but you're just too realistic to not think about it happening?

For the most part, you can't do anything. You just have to bite your towel or watch to see if strike three is called. Many people turn to alcohol as a form of relaxation. And generally it works. But for those who just can't drink away the nervousness, the only thing to do is speculate. And listen to commentators speculate. And listen to coworkers and friends speculate. And to read speculation in the newspapers. And and and and... until gameday has arrived. Then you line up your Coors Lights and your buffalo wings and get ready for an emotional roller coaster that makes puberty look like a fairy tale. And in the end, speculation means nothing. Everything you've heard or said or read is rubbish. Some of it seems insane, some of it seems clairvoyant. But it's all crap. The only thing that matters on gameday is that you cheer. You stand tall, win or lose, and you stick with your team until they've got that glory back. No bandwagon jumpers and no excuse tellers. Fandom is for people who stick it out. And eventually, that grit pays off.

So, what's the moral of the story? Unfortunately there isn't one. Sports and nervousness are tied together, joined at the hip, handcuffed in a pair in the back of a Baltimore State Police cruiser. You can't be a sports fan and not be nervous sometimes. Unless of course you're a Cardinals fan and you've got nothing to be nervous about. BaaaZING!

We'll see you next week kids, when we find out if history is damned to repeat itself or the once top dawgs, now underdogs, can reclaim the glory of their storied pasts.

GO YANKS and GO STILLERS!!!