Why, Sly, Why?

Has Sylvester Stallone completely lost his mind? Sure sure, we know what you're all thinking, who give a crap about Sylvester Stallone. But let's keep something in mind while we're tearing him a new one, this is a man who created two hugely enduring and iconic film franchises almost completely on his own. He became so big that he literally erased himself and became the figures that he portrayed on screen. So, in that vein The Empire asks this question again; has Sly finally taken the last step over the edge of reason into the everlasting pit of diluted Hollywood obscurity and nutcaseness?

In case anyone didn't know what brought this sudden bought of infuriating rage on, reports have been confirmed that Sly has penned deals to reprise his roles as John J. Rambo and Rocky Balboa in 4th and 6th installments of the two film franchises that allowed him to make movies like "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot," pose nude in Vanity Fair, and market his own line of health supliments and not, as most normal people would, actually DIE of embarrassment.

I know, I know, you're shocked. SHOCKED and APALLED! As my dear cousin might say. Rambo 4? Rocky 6? Maybe Rocky 5 wasn't the terrible plot we all thought it was, maybe it was true. Maybe Stallone has suffered irreparable brain damage from being punched in the head two many times in the first four movies. And word on the street is that he's trying to sign Roy Jones Jr. to play the nemesis fighter in the latter of these soon to be train wrecks. Roy Jones Jr?!?! //derdooinggg//

What? Was "The Matrix Reloaded" not evidence enough that this man has crippling difficulty stringing scripted words together to form a sentence? Sure, we'll take a president who can't say nuclear properly, but this is movie entertainment we're talking about people! Who's going to be the enemy in Rambo 4? A rouge Danish terrorist hell bent on overthrowing the Fox network? Played by Casper Van Dien, even?

The Empire likes Stallone. We're willing to forgive him his latter day disasters because he has, overall, made a positive contribution to movie making at large. Hell, even "Cliffhanger" has some redeeming qualities to it. But this is just going tooooooooo far.

For crying out loud, how can there be a Rambo 4 when no one has bothered to correct the counting error that's already sticking out like a severred thumb in the trilogy? Oh what, you hadn't heard? THERE WASN'T A RAMBO 2! It went like this:

First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, and Rambo III

Um, WHAT! Anybody else notice the problem? How's about this for a suggestion, Sly? Fix the first three then we can talk about a fourth salute to your biceps. And I think you lost your Rocky priviledges after... well, let's just call a spade a spade- Tommy "Machine Gunn" Morrison.

Man oh man. I need a drink. Is Lethal Weapon on tv tonight?