The Year of Cool Moss

So, here we are in 2006. It has indeed been quite a while since The Empire let some hot air fly out into the vast empties of the world wide web but it's been said that if one has nothing good to say, one should keep his big fat pie hole shut.

I would like extend sincere apologies to any of the faithful who felt abandonned over the past several weeks, but let's be frank, all 8 of them had busy holidays too.

Enough babbling, on to the important stuff.

You're probably wondering what the hell "the year of cool moss" means. Well, it's pretty abstract but basic. A few weeks ago Mr. Bigg put a question to me. He said, "...is there anything you don't take seriously?"

Anything I don't take seriously?!?! Now, I didn't want to get into a semantic debate over prioritizing angst so, I opted against launching into a classic Empire-style tirade but the inquiry really got me thinking. Is there anything I don't take seriously? Furthermore, what's the point of taking things so seriously?

You can go through this life in willful ignorance just chugging along, wading through the media feces and social trends, disregarding what you want in favor of what you're told is best for you, and not taking anything seriously becuase you'd rather be rushing home in time to catch the reality television flavor of the month. But what kind of satisfaction does that offer? One answer could be, low blood pressure. Sure, people who don't take things seriously seldom get aggrivated and out of hand. But at the same time, if you don't take anything seriously, you end up in a passionless rut.

But Mr. Bigg did make me question the side effects of being a trigger happy critic of everything. It takes a lot out of a man to be constantly searching for a witty and sardonic angle of critique for the social ill of the day. It's just plain exhausting.

So, here's what we're going for in 2006. Cool Moss!

Cool Moss is; not crying over spilled milk, not crying over bungled politics, not throwing a bottle of Budweiser at the television set if you catch your girlfriend watching Laguna Beach. Cool Moss is; taking an afternoon off when you feel yourself losing your edge at work, accepting the fact that people that piss you off are not always doing it on purpose, enjoying it when your life is treating you well. Cool Moss is the state of being comfortable in the face embittered surroundings. Cool Moss is keeping your head when those all about you are losing theirs (yeah, I know that one is cliche.) And most importantly, Cool Moss is; killing them with comedy.

It's not a resolution. It's not a new dogma. It's not even a new outlook on life. It's just a neat little way of reminding yourself who number one is. And the next time the grocerie clerk short changes you, or your mother criticizes your lifestyle, or some guy on the street just ticks you off by looking strange, trying to say it - out loud if you can.

cool moss

And just to clarify, The Empire still firmly believes in ruthlessly criticizing, we're just going to try doing it in a cooler more laid back kind of way.