Holy Fricken Crap

So, you're probably wondering what the damn hold up has been and why The Empire has been so laid back in the production of quality snarkitude. Well, it's because WE'RE FREAKING THE HELL OUT ABOUT THE SUPERBOWL.

Let's get a few things straight about XL -

First of all, I love Jerome Bettis. If I could, I would take him home and feed him meat everyday just so we could chill out and watch westerns in Clint Eastwood costumes. He is My Bus, The Bus, the Super Bus. But the hype over him going home to Detroit is about the EAT THE WORLD! The Empire hates hype. We hate predictors, we hate analysts, and we sure as hell hate people who trash talk before the game. So, all this "career ending at home in the super bowl... yada yada yada," is just stinking of jinxing. Why wont they stop?! The Empire will be fingernail-less by Saturday afternoon if the sports media doesn't reel it in a bit.

2ndly- Bengals fans can bite my ass. If I have to listen to one more Bungal fan tell me that those orangy chumps would be in the big game if Palmer hadn't been hurt, I will barf in my hands. No one can speculate that. If Palmer wasn't hurt there isn't even a guarantee that the Bengals could have beaten the Steelers, let alone whoever they would have had to play in the next two rounds. For crying out loud, they had a 10 point lead at the half! Last I heard, you needed defense to win in the playoffs, not just a pretty quarterback. Just ask Indy.

3rdly- I still think Tom Brady is a homogoatlover. Yes, I appreciate that my Pats-loving friends were rooting for the black and gold in the divisional and championship games, but let's be honest; I still really don't like that pretty boy suckmaster. I will never like him. He will always remind me of slowly curdling milk.

4thly- I respect Mike Holmgren. He's a good coach with a good record and a good rep. He's no Cowher, but he ain't Brian Billick either.

5thly- Detroit is still the ghetto. Yeah, it's a fun place to have such a historical game but let's not lose sight of the motor city's exceptional talent for suckitude of late.

6thly- THIS WEEK NEEDS TO GO A HELL OF A LOT FASTER!

and finally- I hope and pray my team wins. GO STEELERS!