New Month, New Debt, New Outlook

Despite it being the first of September, which means the streets of fair Boston will be helplessly congested with U-Haul trucks and inept college students who will inevitably get said trucks jammed in an overpass on Storrow Drive or a narrow side street in the North End, The Empire has decided that this Thursday will be a cheerful day. And in that vein, The Empire proudly presents The Awesomest Car Award to the Mini Cooper S.

The cheerful day idea may seem a little out of place to some but the idea should really come as a welcome breath of fresh air. September 1st is really a pain in the ass. As on every other first of the month, all the big bills are due. But September brings us the promise of crappy transitional fall weather. And despite owning the start of the NFL season, September makes us work so hard at paying attention to both the beginning of football AND the playoff race in baseball. That's serious commitment. And let's face it; September really doesn't have too much going for it as far as personality goes. What's its holiday? Labor Day, the national salute to a downer: more work and the end of summer.

The Mini Cooper S brings us excitement! It's British, kinda, which is universally accepted as the mark of fun and reckless abandon, isn’t it? It's little, which makes parking a snap. It's got go-cart handling, and who doesn't love go-carts? And it gets great mileage, which, in these exciting times of skyrocketing oil prices uncertainty and war, we all love. To boot, it gets this mileage while delivering rubber smoking speed and rip-your-face-off cornering.

The Empire is really into cars. The Empire LOVES the Mini. So, on this first of September 2005 The Empire encourages you, the ever faithful, to take a long look at Mini's website. Eye-hump the little bugger for a while. Imagine yourself zipping around your favorite city flipping off dumb collegiate youngsters in their parent’s minivans and midsize luxury sedans. Most importantly, load a half ton of stolen gold in the trunk and evade capture by your arch nemesis.

Plus, do you think Angie Harmon would be impressed by this little mod? The Empire is betting its recently sold left kidney on it!

Oh and for those of you who have been holding your breath, it is indeed Scott Speedman's birthday today. The Empire didn't put a link to a picture of Scott Speedman because, well, doesn't everyone know exactly who he is? Huh? Huh? Well... perhaps someone who matters was born on September 2nd. Ciao!!